Lessons from Trixie

Yes, Trixie is a dog. Even though I talk to her and treat her like a human child in a lot of ways, I understand that she is a dog. However, I do believe that God has and will use her to teach me things. Job 33:14 tells us – “For God does speak – now in one way, now another – though man may not perceive it.” So sometimes when I’m talking about her or to her, God will gently knock me over the head with an obvious “That was meant for you” moment. 

We had one of those moments last night.

Let me start by saying that I love chocolate chip cookies. I almost always have a big tub of chocolate cookie dough that I buy from Sam’s in my fridge; my Nanna do too, and she’s one of the best cooks in the entire world, so I think that if it’s cheating, at least I’m in good company. Now, Trixie knows that when I put the cookies in the oven and pour a mug of milk, she’s going to get to lick out my mug. (I don’t give her a lot of people food, but I usually let her lick up the plate or bowl after I’m done eating.) It’s something that happens at least a few times a week because, as I’ve said, I love chocolate chip cookies.

Last night, I was enjoying the usual cookies and milk off of a TV tray at the couch. I had optimistically only gotten 2 cookies, but they were gone so fast that it became obvious that I “needed” a third, so I left the rest of my milk on the tray to get that third cookie. As I’m getting my cookie, I look over there the counter to the couch, and there Trixie stretching from the couch to the TV tray, helping herself to my milk.

I spanked her. (Not hard AT ALL. Just enough to scare her. Please don’t call PETA.)

I threw out my milk.

I scolded her when she came back to me looking sheepish – “I love you, but I hadn’t given that to you...If you would have waited, I would have given you the milk...”

And then I laughed. Hard. I knew that God was trying to tell me something.

She knew that it was milk, and she knew that it was good. She has had it before, and she recognizes it. If I’d had sweet tea, juice, or water in that mug, she wouldn’t have tried to touch it. She likes milk, and she knows that she should get the milk. She knows that I want her to have her milk – at the right time.

She hardly got any at all when she did it her way, and if she’d waited, she would have gotten more. She would have gotten to really enjoy it, instead of stealing it and then being punished. 

How many times do I do that with God? I know that there is something good, something that He does want me to have, but I can’t wait. Whatever good thing I know is coming in the future, if I try to take it before it’s ready for me, it doesn’t turn out like it’s supposed to.

Thankfully, God is infinitely better, kinder, loving, and more patient than I will ever be, and He doesn’t spank me when I stretch myself out and stick my head in the milk. He doesn’t throw out my milk. But it’s not what it could have been. It’s not the best.

When we wait, we get the best thing.

“But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.” – Romans 8:25

"What if we make it about dating?"

I could feel the words burning and I knew that if I was supposed to speak up. “What if we make it about dating?” There. It was out. 

I couldn’t believe that I suggested it. When we needed to adjust a topic for our middle school group because the main series topic was “husband and wives,” I, Helen Archer, had suggested that we talk to them and with them about dating.

Why is this strange? I’ve always been the one who hates talking about dating. It’s salt in an open wound. I remember tearing up in college when the leader announced that we were going to be talking about relationships. I thought “Again? This would be great… if I had a boyfriend!!”

I won’t go into specifics, but my experiences with boys have been limited – I could tell you some stories that would make you laugh, and some that would make you cry. Most of my experiences have been far from great, but I don’t think that these experiences have been all bad. There have been good moments, exciting moments, sweet moments, and for the most part they have all resulted from good intentions and the sincere desire for me to find the man that God wants me to marry.

So what’s good in this? How can I look at my being single and say that it’s good? It’s all about the perspective. What have I got to have because I was single? How about a few weeks ago when I picked up and went to Wilmington for the day just to read and have some alone time with God? How about getting to hang out with awesome students at Journey Church almost every night last week without worrying about neglecting my boyfriend/husband? There have been many times now where I’ve been doing something, and I’ve heard God whisper, “You have to know that you wouldn’t be doing this unless you were single.” I coached a basketball team, I’m available for my friends even late at night, I have gone and will go back to Uganda, I can plan road trips to go to my brother’s basketball games, and the list goes on…

How about the rest of my life AFTER I meet this spectacular guy that’s waiting for me? I’m going to be better for him because of this time. I’ve learned how to do this thing on my own. I’ve moved to a new city by myself, bought my condo, fixed up my condo, found my church, got involved at my church, switched jobs, and, most importantly, fallen in love with Jesus. I’ve been to Uganda and lost my heart to people and a country halfway around the world. I can kill bugs in my condo with minimal screaming, and cook well enough to make almost any man fat and happy. If I met the man that I’ll marry 7 years ago, 5 years ago, 3 years ago, even 1 year ago – I wouldn’t have been able to say most of that.

I’m not saying that people shouldn’t get married early or ANYTHING like that. Please don’t misunderstand. I’m just trying to put singleness in perspective. I’m not saying that I’m going to be a better wife than anyone who gets married at 18 or 20 or 23. But I’m going to be a better wife than I would have been at 18 or 20 or 23. And maybe the issue isn’t that I needed and need so much more growing, so much more maturing, than others who get married earlier. But maybe my marriage is going to need that. My future husband and I are going to have a life that’s a great adventure in learning what it means to follow Jesus. I don’t know exactly what that is going to involve, but I know that it’s true. And maybe for me to be able to keep up with him, I’ve had to get a little bit more ready, learn a little bit more about myself, and fall a LOT more in love with Jesus.

Here’s the thing that makes me cringe inside, even though I know it’s true – if I wait 5 more years, 10 more years, 25 more years, I know that it’ll be worth it. Even if I never get married, I know that it’ll be worth it, and I won’t have any regrets. But I believe that I am going to get married one day. After I asked God to show me if I was ever going to get married, He gave me a dream where I got married to a man with the most beautiful eyes, full of love for me.

So, back to the middle school students and their lesson. Since the meeting, there’s been this thought in the back of my mind – “Some help you are going to be that week. What can you tell them?” For me to withdraw into myself and let myself believe that my opinion is less valuable because I don’t have a ring on my left finger is wrong. Of course I can’t speak on marriage from experience, but I want to be able to tell them that I’m not there yet, and it’s still worth it.

Not compromising has been worth it.

Waiting is worth it.

I am worth it. 

He will be worth it.

I'm Going to Uganda!

I'm officially going back to Uganda! My heart can hardly stand the wait. I wanted to share with you the letter that I'll be sending out to my family and friends in the next few weeks. Please pray for our team and all of the precious people in Uganda who we will be interacting with. 

Hello Loved Ones, 

On October 17, 2009, I left Raleigh-Durham airport for Uganda. I had no idea what I was doing; I only knew that God wanted me to go. What I experienced over the next ten days changed my life in ways that I am still realizing. I played with children, sat and talked with working men and nursing mothers, and most importantly, I was able to lead people into a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I made friends that I have been able to stay in touch with via email and phone calls, and I learned some Lugandan phrases and songs. I did things that I didn't think that I could do, including speaking in front of an entire church, and peeing in a cornfield. If I had to sum it up - I felt truly ALIVE.

When I got to the airport in Entebbe, I started to panic -- I didn't want to get back on a plane. I love my family, my friends, and my life in the United States, but I didn't know how to go back to that life after what I had seen and experienced. I didn't know how to go back to a life of comfort when I knew what my new friends had to endure. I had seen true poverty and it had left me wrecked. But I knew that I was supposed to come back. I love Uganda, and it had changed me, but I knew and I know that I wasn't supposed to stay (at least not then). 

So how can I adjust after something life-changing like that? How can I use here what God did in me and taught me in Uganda? I'm still learning that. I've been supporting one pastor specifically in Uganda, and praying for all of my friends there. I try to keep seeing how I use my resources with the viewpoint that it is all a gift from God. 

Honestly, I struggled with whether or not to go back to Uganda. My heart longs so much to go, but I wrestled with whether it wasn't better to send the money to support the people instead of paying for my airfare, because I know how far that money could go. Or I thought that maybe it would be better to send someone else so that they could experience what I did. I don't think that it's a coincidence that in the middle of the struggling with all this, I got emails from friends in Uganda saying that they were praying that I would come back. After praying and seeking advice, I have decided to go back. I will be leaving on a new adventure on October 3rd and we will be returning on October 14th. 

I have been saving and I have enough money to be able to pay for my trip, so I'm not asking for money - I'm just asking for you to please pray for me and my team as we go. Last year God blessed our team with good health, and I am believing and trusting him for the same for this year! Please pray that He would use us to be a blessing to all of the people that we meet, and that everyone's hearts would be open to what God is doing. 

Thank you for praying. It is not a small thing - it is vital. James 5:16(b) says that "The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." 

Thank you for loving me and supporting me on this adventure. I am so glad that I get to share this journey with you. 

Love, 

Helen

"...not sentimental gush."

When I graduated high school, my church gave me The Message as a graduation gift. I have to admit that every once in a while I will look up verses in it to get a different wording or perspective, but I haven’t spent a lot of time studying it. (I think it has something to do with the verses not being numbered… I’m an accountant and I like my numbers. Don’t get me wrong… I do study my Bible, I just use my NIV.) Anyway, I decided a few weeks ago to pull The Message off of the shelf and I went to Philippians because it is probably my favorite book of the Bible. Listen to how The Message translates Philippians 1:9-11 –

9-11So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover's life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God.

WOW. If that doesn’t get you fired up, maybe you should go back to bed and start your day over again.

Paul is praying for the people he loves in this passage, and he is praying that they will love well, love appropriately, love sincerely, and love intelligently. Doesn’t this get you thinking? Love is an ACTION. Paul even says that our love should not be “sentimental gush.”

But what does that mean? If I tell you “I love you” is that it? If I say it intelligently and sincerely, then I am doing what Paul prayed for? Maybe sometimes that’s it.

A very smart man (Coach Mike Hollis) defines love this way – giving someone the best needed thing. I think that lines up with what Paul prayed. It’s important to remember that how we love will not always look the same. The way that I love will depend on the person and the situation… it’s not the same for everyone. I may love my Mom by doing dishes for her, and I may love my brother by cheering at his basketball games. I may love my sister by going shopping with her, while I may love my Dad by watching a movie with him. Sometimes, though, it is as simple as telling someone that you love them.

How do the people in your life love you? Think about it for a minute, and it might just rock your world. I have people who love me by praying for me (how can you show your love better than THAT?), by giving me hugs, by inviting me over, by letting me by myself with them… the list goes on and on.

Think about how you’ve loved or been loved just this week! I’ve had family friends watch my dog so that I could go to Rockin Summer Nights all week – that’s how they loved me this week. Last night we had parents volunteer to drive students around for our scavenger hunt – that’s a lot of loving on our students!

Did you notice the bottom line of Paul’s prayer, though? The glory and praise of God. That’s why we love –when we love, we’re trying to show GOD’s love. We’re trying to get other people involved in the glory and praise of God. Isn’t that amazing? Get other people involved in praising God. When we’re excited about something, we typically want other people excited about it too, right? Say you saw an awesome movie… what do you do? You facebook about it, twitter about it, tell all your friends so they can enjoy it too, right? You want everyone involved.

So let’s love much and love well. Let’s get everyone involved in praising God. Let’s love them in a way gives glory to God.

Maybe that's all we can say...

On Saturday, I drove to the beach and I got to spend 4 hours laying out in the sun. It was fantastic - I read, listened to music, and talked to God. 

As I was thinking about the last post that I wrote and what God was trying to tell me about love, I remembered that a few years ago I started writing a blog (OK, it was on xanga. Does anybody use that anymore? I feel old...) and the fourth and final post was about love. I want to put it on here because it's so relevant.

Maybe That's All We Can Say

I was reading Blue Like Jazz today, and as I went through the chapter on "Romance" it made me think of how liberally we use the word love. The only real, true love is from God. So when we say that we love somebody, and then we let them down, that isn't loving them. So did we ever really love them? Or was our love imperfect? I mean I know that on this earth nobody and nothing is perfect, so our love isn't perfect. 

All we can do is try to imperfectly reflect perfect love.

It makes me think of my new favorite song, "Try" by Bebo Norman:
    "I'm afraid to grow up
    But somewhere inside is the will of a man
    And all I've ever wanted
    Was something to give and love if I can
    You make me want to try
    You make me want to fight
    You make me want to live
    You make me want to give"

It makes me think that if you are really honest with someone, all you can really tell them is that they make you want to try to love. Maybe all we can say is, "You make me want to perfectly love you. I know that in trying to love you perfectly, I will fail, but you make me want to try." Love should be more than an emotion...it should be an action that we choose every day. Maybe when you say that you love someone, what you mean is that you are going to choose to love them.
I don't know...I know that I will never make sense of it.

But:

God is love. 

That makes enough sense for me.

Say the Words

Do you ever have one of those times when you know that God’s trying to get something through to you? Like you’re just on the edge of realizing something? This has been one of those weeks. I still haven’t quite got my head around what God’s trying to tell me, but just the hints of it have got my head spinning.

Let me start with a confession – I talk to my dog a lot. [I live alone, if that makes it any less weird.] And I tell her that I love her a lot. I don’t know what led me this week to suddenly be aware of it, but once I was it hit me that that I include “I love you” in almost everything I say to her.

“I love you. Do you want a treat?”

“Let’s go for a walk because I love you.”

“I love you, but I have to go to work.”

 “Thank you for not peeing on me like Honey. It's just another reason that I love you.” [Yes, my parents’ dog peed on me, but that’s another story.]

I was honestly kind of shocked when I realized that I did this. And then I wondered about it… is it a good thing? A sadly pathetic thing? But more importantly, I wondered if I say those words to the people I feel that way about. 

You know what? I think that I do. But I'm trying to make more of an effort to make sure that I am telling people that I love them more often. I want it to be a habit to say “I love you,” because I know how important it is for me to hear it. Whether it’s in text messages or at the end of phone conversations, drawn out in a wonderfully sing-song-y way or abbreviated to “ILY,” whispered or shouted or written, I love to hear that someone loves me.

But is it enough to say it? Is it enough to hear it? 

Love is an ACTION, so does saying “I love you” really mean anything without action behind it?

Now I've got dcTalk's "Luv is a Verb" stuck in my head, so I'll have to work on that question some more later. 

~ Helen

The Beginning

I’ve been saying for a while that I wanted to do this, and I guess that a random Tuesday in August is as good a time as any to start a blog! I don’t expect this to be earth-shattering or life-changing, but it’s just something that I have been wanting to try.

I guess that the name of the blog is as good a place to start as any. If you haven't listened to the song "Welcome Home" by Shaun Groves, you need to do it right now. OK we're all on the same page? Good. What is your favorite part? Mine is the intro... “Take me, make me all you want me to be… that’s all I’m asking, all I’m asking.” I could listen to that over and over, and I have before. It's so simple on the surface, but it gives me so much to think about. If I had to pick one sentence that is the prayer of my heart, it’s that. I don’t know everything that God has in store for me, but whatever it is, I’m surrendered and I want Him to make me all that He wants me to be.

~ Helen